I thought maybe I wouldn't tell anyone about this, just keep it to myself

Yesterday, on my way east, I got a phone call. I was waiting to answer because an ambulance was driving by. Just after it passed, I noticed my bike chain had unattached from its gear wheel and got caught within my right pedal. I ended up missing the call when I pulled over to fix the chain. It was really raveled, so I was at it for awhile. After a few minutes, a man and woman, also on bike, pulled over to ask if I was ok. I said yes, I was, that it was just my chain. The man insisted he help—at first he told me what to do, guiding me to pedal backwards so the chain could unwind, but it didn’t work right away. Then he said do you mind? I wanted him to get away as quickly as possible, not because I hate men, but because I had an emotionally exhausting day (hence the trip). I told him I didn’t mind and he fixed it pretty quickly. I felt like I had done most of the work before he stepped in, but I didn’t mention anything. Both of our hands looked fucked up from the grease after he fixed it. The woman offered me hand sanitizer, which I used, since I had run out of my own the day before. I got back on my bike and rode the rest of the way to the lake. I undressed quickly and jumped immediately into the water.

Tape Recorder

It is easier to contort my body in the morning. 

I’ve been doing yoga six days a week and some days I am considerably happier than I felt last month. 

PAWS has been ignoring my calls, and never calling back. Joey says I should text them a picture of myself—the implication being that I could show them what they’re missing. 

I try to get myself to laugh a lot throughout the day. 

It’s hard to laugh a lot if you’re alone. Is there a saying about comedy needing at least two people? 

I want to get a tape recorder—and not because a character in the book I’m reading just got one, I’ve wanted one for a long time. 

Last night, after thinking about buying a tape recorder, I remembered a time Sara and I spoke into one over a taco dinner, about a year ago. 

I wondered if Jackson will ever hear what I said into the tape recorder that night. I wondered how his feelings for me would change after listening to my words. 

I can’t remember what I said.