Returning to a new me

I've been trying out new, subtle ways of expressing myself. I just painted my nails hot pink, a color I wouldn't be caught dead in for most of my life, save for a short six months in the 6th grade, after I met Taylor Butler. I was easily influenced at the time, and she somehow made the color cool. I bought a pencil case, folders, and a backpack—all pink. It can actually be a very pretty color. But I guess now you'd have to go into what constitutes pretty, and I'd rather not.

I wonder if there is a preoccupation with "cool" among the people I know, maybe people in general. Regurgitating a political thought circulating on Twitter because you need to let others know that you agree, something is very wrong here. Canceling someone online for clout, buying a fanny pack just like that one girl. It's all the same to me. I'm not an expert, just looking around. A woman I peripherally know posted on Instagram, urging people to eat local and in season, and I agreed, but what was she trying to prove? She may have been bored...

Netflix's current number one streamed tv show Manifest is poorly written and cast wrong. I'm watching, though, because I love that kind of smut. Every time someone has a "calling" I get goosebumps on my arms and legs. I look at my arms and then the tv, thinking, Wow, I'm so effected right now. How is that possible when the show is so bad?

I love feeling different after I watch or read a story. Like I've crossed some threshold and I'll never be the same again.

A full moon last Friday brought me to dinner with a friend. Out to eat and pushing each other through discussion. I loved the talking, good and bad. The food was ok, but the drinks were better. One of the ingredients in my cocktail was "blue" —we thought was funny. 

A few weeks ago, I bought a shirt from village discount with every intention of changing it. I dyed it terra cotta orange yesterday, and will hand wash it cold today. 

I wish people surprised and pranked me more. Not everything needs to be an experience, but right now it feels like it because of the pandemic. I hope that goes away soon. I'm returning to a new me.